oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
