i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
