i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?