His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.