She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
cat food counts as protein by the way
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later