Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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