I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
