All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
