your room smells of hookers.
And success
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
