if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
