Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
