She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you would pick up someone in the library
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
