He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
