I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize