areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
