We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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