he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
