i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
