we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
