We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
