sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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