Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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