We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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