I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
