at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
