im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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