Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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