i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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