Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
only if we run a train.
done.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize