i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
