I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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