She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
