I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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