is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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