Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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