Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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