Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
