He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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