Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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