Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
