you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
