no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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