i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize