apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
