who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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