i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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