I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
