I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize