My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
