why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
