i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
