Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
