someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
