she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
