he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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