Don't make out with my wife yet
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
