When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I FOUND THE LEGS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
