I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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