Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
