Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
