OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
