I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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