i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
