Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
