Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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