Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
