I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."