Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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