Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon