brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.