No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.