i need an iv and a liver transplant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly