I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
