the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
