dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
